How to stay happy in a relationship, according to long-married couples

Long-married couples emphasize humor and shared purpose as core ingredients of lasting relationships. The piece profiles Zarna Garg, who used an audacious personal ad in her 20s to find a partner, and her husband Shalabh Garg, now married for nearly 30 years with three kids. It also draws on researchers Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, who have been married for 39 years. They study marital dynamics and can predict divorce. They note that most conflicts are perpetual and that the 'four horsemen' (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) threaten relationships. Their guidance includes pausing disagreements and revisiting them later, not walking away, and maintaining humor and shared goals.