Was infuriating to see my capable mother treated differently as she aged. Now it's happening to me

It was infuriating to see a capable mother treated differently simply because she aged. The author recalls his mother’s recovery after a red-light crash at 84, followed by weeks in hospital and surgery to insert a metal rod in her shattered leg. After cancer claimed her life two years later, she died peacefully at home with palliative care, never voicing resentment toward hospital staff who she found caring. Yet she occasionally described moments of subtle bias, such as being asked to join others cutting out valentine hearts in a locked geriatric ward during a quiet afternoon.

Now the author finds himself confronting similar attitudes as his own aging progresses, a shift that underscores a broader social pattern. The piece moves from a personal memory to a meditation on how dignity and competence are sometimes discounted in elder care. He notes how small incidents—such as conversations about consent, autonomy, and the pace of care—reveal structural biases that persist as loved ones grow older. The essay invites readers to recognize aging not as decline alone but as a universal experience that warrants respect, empathy, and patient, equitable treatment.