This Is the Most Selfish Thing You Can Do in a Marriage

The article argues that what the author describes as “the most selfish thing” in a marriage is choosing to remain self-focused instead of acting as a fully responsible adult partner. It recounts a personal experience in which the writer viewed themselves as self-responsible and expected the same from a spouse, contrasting that with a dynamic where one partner effectively takes on additional caretaking and administrative duties. The piece says the situation persisted until the marriage deteriorated, at which point the author reports that the husband began drinking and behaving in ways she found frightening, including threats to safety for their children. The narrative emphasizes accountability, mature problem-solving, and seeking counseling, portraying refusal to address issues as the core problem.